Last-minute tears

My eyes feel like bowling balls. Seriously. A few hours ago I had a minor panic attack and I cried my eyes out. I just felt like I screwed up my life. How did I get myself in this mess? What did I do wrong?

Crap. Things just aren’t going my way these days.

Free Hugs

This is just fucking awesome.

Watch the video. 

Song of the Year

Not Your Year
by The Weepies

Scattered shadows on a wall, you watch the long light fall
Some impressions stay and some will fade
Tattered shoes outside your door, clothes all on the floor
Your life feels like the morning after all year long.

Every day it starts again
You cannot say if you’re happy
You keep trying to be
Try harder, maybe this is not your year.

Movies, TV screens reflect just what you expected
There’s a world of shiny people somewhere else
Out there following their bliss
living easy, getting kissed
while you wonder what else you’re doing wrong

Breathe through it, write a list of desires
Make a toast, make a wish, slash some tires
Paint a heart repeating, beating “don’t give up, don’t give up, don’t give up.”

In the closet

Y-eah. Lately I’ve been having bonding sessions with my closet and we’re getting along quite famously. I do it everytime I feel like I’m close to breaking. Problems just keep popping up left and right and it’s starting to take its toll on me. I hate it. I really hate it.

“Research”

I was updating my resume last night when I suddenly thought about creating a MySpace account. At first I got to thinking that it may not be such a good idea since I don’t know a lot of people with MySpace pages (because most of them are on Friendster). But then I figured it may be perfect for answering some of the questions that has been bugging me regarding somebody.

And I was right. So. Fucking. Right.

I now know who, what, and why. Hah!

Broadband is love.

Back in business

BROADBAND! FINALLY!

*evil laughter* 

Sour Patch

I hated the weekend. Except for the whole MAC make-up thing I did with Ate Epie, the rest of it was just plain shitty. Oh, fortunately, I didn’t have to switch rooms with one of the kids. Apparently, my room isn’t the biggest of the non-master ones. I feel bad for Cait now. Heh. Oh, well.

I’m still pissed. Can’t even stand looking or talking to him. He’s just annoying the hell out of me. I hate this feeling. I really do. I know that hating is just a waste of time and energy, but I just can’t help it this time. I think I’ve earned the right to be angry.

You Can’t Fix Stupid

It’s so ironic that the person I’m currently eyeing with daggers right now wore a shirt that said in big, bold letters: YOU CAN’T FIX STUPID.

At least he got that right.

It’s one thing to make me believe in someone, but it’s an entirely different story when that someone decides to screw me over because he’s being stupid and irrational.

Now that I’m the one who got screwed over, it’s just fair that I start over with the things I had before everything else happened, right? But noooo, I have to move rooms. I have to adjust. What the fuck is up with that? Why do I have to do these things for him? He decided not to help me, now he wants me to help him? Fuck it. Even a six-year-old would say that it’s totally unfair.

This just reeks of stupid. It’s not even funny.

What a crappy summer this has been. Fall is just around the corner (days have been cool since yesterday), I just hope the tide turns in my favor this time around. With my luck, I probably would have a shitty Christmas, but we’ll see what happens. It’s a long way ’til December and the optimist in me can still see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Cold feet

My appetite has been shot to hell for the past couple of weeks. I get so hungry but I can’t eat enough. My mind has been racing, thinking about the same things over and over and over again. It’s like being caught up in the middle of a tornado, everything around you just spins and you don’t know the first thing to watch out for.

I guess I’m still normal for getting cold feet.

To Whom It May Concern:

MYOB.

It’s my life. I don’t need your approval. 

Californication

We went to San Diego’s Seaport Village last Saturday. We ate lunch there and walked around to see the shops. We happened upon this little shop called the Captain’s Cove. It has all sorts of pirate stuff and I wanted to buy something. At least a necklace. It was kind of expensive and we were in a hurry, so I didn’t. I figured I could go back next time or find another pirate shop somewhere else. We also wanted to buy something from the fish market there but they only have a handful of fish for sale, so we didn’t. There was also an aircraft carrier near it, and it’s fun just to see it, even if we didn’t get to up close. Also saw two pirate ships on the way and that was equally cool.

Sunday we went to Port O’ Call at San Pedro with Grayden, Ate Epie’s good friend who’s about three years older than me. We had lunch there, too. We ordered this gi-normous fish and a tray full of shrimp. Gawd, seafood heaven. There were also shops there. Grayden and I split the bill for two pairs of sunglasses - it was “buy 1 get 1 free”. Now I can say goodbye to squinting especially when it’s almost time for sunset. After that we went back to Lancaster to watch Beerfest. It was stupid. Sort of a mild version of Jackass. It had some funny moments but that was it.

Yesterday we fixed the garage in 90-100 degree heat. It was okay, though. At least the garage now looks like one. Hehe.

Gotta play it

Love is like a game of Russian Roulette. You’ll never really know what it’s like until you play. You risk your life, you pull the trigger, and the rest is out of your hands.

I be the Cap’n of this ship!

You are The Cap’n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn’t eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones’ locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What’s Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!