End to Life

Not too long ago, I learned that there are actually five stages of grief (or dying). And just recently, I learned that this model was introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying. These five stages are as follows: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It is said that not all people get to experience all stages, but all get to experience at least two of them.

I wonder if she did.

Tita Baby has been battling her way through diabetes and renal failure for the longest time. She undergoes dialysis three times a week, sometimes two. She has a gazillion bottles of medication and her fridge is plastered with doctor’s orders on when and how many she should take. Three years ago, I remember that she was quite a big lady. But then, she got even sicker and now I’m bigger than her. She shrunk at least half her size and she looked way older.

Yesterday morning, Ate Epie got a call that Tita Baby wasn’t breathing. Tito Rey (her husband) just finished cleaning her up and brushing her teeth, and he was just about to dress her up on her living room couch when she suddenly stiffened up, fell sideways, and foamed on the mouth. She was having a heart attack and then stopped breathing altogether. The nine paramedics that came for her had her whole chest cave in somewhat due to the enormous pressure they repeatedly put on it as they tried to resuscitate her. She was deprived of oxygen for 20-25 minutes and then they finally got a pulse. It was tiny, but it was something. She was then rushed to the hospital but was pronounced dead on arrival. Tita Baby is still a fighter deep down because however slim the chances were, they still got a pulse out of her.

She’s now kept alive by a respirator, but everyone knows that she’d only end up a vegetable if this keeps up. Before this, she had signed a do-not-resuscitate order, which ultimately meant that she already accepted her fate. They’re going to pull the plug on her later this afternoon. They just want all her siblings and children to be there before she goes.

It’s going to be sad in Palmdale for quite a while. Losing a loved one was never easy for anyone. Although this was expected to happen, it’s also expected to hurt. In any case, I know she’s going to a better, more peaceful place. She can finally rest.

I love you, Tita Baby. I’m gonna miss you.